


Took You Long Enough

by archeradicators



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, Cahoots, Callous disregard for the lives of other people, Gen, Parricide, neigh8ors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2021-01-13 14:57:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21150446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archeradicators/pseuds/archeradicators
Summary: Two kids plan a murder.This is a no game AU where everyone is 8 sweeps old. A lot of people have dropped Vriska at this point for her bullshit, but you can't really drop someone if you live right next to them, can you?This is rated mature for in depth discussion of how to carry out a murder.





	Took You Long Enough

The screaming starts around midday and wakes him up even from the hundreds of yards below his bedroom. It happens sometimes, and usually it's at night, but today there's something different about it. 

He picks his head up from the workbench he fell asleep on, silently annoyed with himself, and pushes his glasses on top of his head so he can rub at his eyes. He looks at a clock on the wall and curses himself for the meager two hours of sleep, and then sighs.

If he's awake now, he might as well figure out what that horrible noise is. The cacophony outside only grows louder as he walks to his computer. He's not stupid enough to pull back the curtains while it's still bright outside.

A thought bubbles up in his sleep deprived brain, that Vriska might be trapped outside of her hive somehow, and he pauses. Listens. Decides that the screams are diffused enough that they're coming from inside of her hive. 

It inspires him to message her directly instead of complaining to Nepeta until it stops as he normally does.

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG].

CT: D--> Serket, e%plain yourself  
CT: D --> Are you aware of the hour of the day? Or are you just that inconsiderate

arachnidsGrip [AG] is an idle troll.

CT: D--> Vriska  
CT: D --> Hay  
CT: D --> Shoot, I meant hey  
CT: D --> You aren't actually stuck outside of your hive, are you?  
CT: D --> I assumed you weren't, but if you are er  
CT: D --> Well, I guess you won't see these messages if you're dead 

centaursTesticle [CT] has ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG].

Equius steps away from the computer for a moment at stares at the curtain that covers the window that overlooks Vriska's hive. He debates peeking out for a moment, just to see if she was trapped somehow, but he ultimately decides that if she's really trapped she'll shut up eventually. 

He picks up some of the parts on the floor near his bench that he knocked over during his glorified nap and puts them back where they belong. Aurthour peeks through the cracked space in his open door and starts telling Equius to go to sleep, but his laptop computer dings again before he can get lectured too much. He shoos Aurthour out gently but firmly, and sits back down for whatever circus act Vriska is going to put on.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT].

AG: Oh gr8! Just gr8!!!!!!!!  
AG: Just what I needed today!  
AG: What the fuck are you talking a8out!!!!!!!!

CT: D--> The screaming?  
CT: D --> You can hear that, right  
CT: D --> One of your captives has to be losing their marbles  
CT: D --> You need to keep them under control 

AG: What screaming? I don't hear any screaming! You must 8e hearing things.

CT: D--> You really e%pect me to just drop this?  
CT: D --> It's still going  
CT: D --> And it's coming from your hive  
CT: D --> Stop this f001ishness and just get whoever it is to shut up so I can go back to sleep

AG: There isn't any screaming!!!!!!!!  
AG: You reeeeeeeeally must be finally losing it.  
AG: All that porn finally get to your 8ig dum8 head?

CT: D--> I resent that  
CT: D --> You need to stop trying to deny that you are responsible for a noise disturbance  
CT: D --> Unless the person screaming is you, and you don't want to admit it

AG: ….....

Equius squints at the computer, hard. She seems kind of unhinged, like something upset her. She's always upset about something or another. But... No. This is a different kind of unhinged. It reminds him of how she was acting when she lost her arm, her eye. 

After sitting on it for a minute (and hearing a particularly loud “Shut up 8itch!!!!!!!!”), he thinks he might have the issue figured out.

CT: D --> Is she really that demanding?  
CT: D --> Your 100sus, I mean  
CT: D --> I've seen you pull more people recently than you us001y have been.  
CT: D --> Vriska

AG: S8 WH8T!!!!!!!!  
AG: F8ck you! It's none of your 8usiness.

CT: D --> Act001y it kind of is  
CT: D --> Seeing that I can't e%actly get any sleep with you screaming at all hours of the day  
CT: D --> Haven't you ever thought about er  
CT: D --> Getting something done to fi% this issue

AG: What?

CT: D --> This isn't really any of my business, but  
CT: D --> If she's become unmanageable, sh001dn't you just er  
CT: D --> Have that taken care of

AG: Equius oh my G8D!!!!!!!!  
AG: You're not seriously suggesting that I kill my lusus.  
AG: I'm not reading those WORDS with my EYE!!!!!!!!  
AG: What the fuck is wrong with you?????????

CT: D --> I'm simply just saying  
CT: D --> You seem upset and this is one of those things that will keep getting worse if you don't take care of it  
CT: D --> You know that already, though

AG: Of course I know that already you 8ig fucking idiot.  
AG: I'd never do something like that!  
AG: 8ut even if I did, I don't think the 8itch would just let me go.

CT: D --> Have you considered hiring someone to do it for you?  
CT: D --> I highly doubt that it would be considered a weakness, all things considered  
CT: D --> What with how many people you shove into the gaping maw of that thing

AG: That thing is my mother.

CT: D --> I'm sure anyone you'd pay would be thoroughly afraid of failing you  
CT: D --> Nepeta might have some intercaste contacts if you need me to find someone for you

AG: Equius shut up!  
AG: I'm not paying anyone to kill my lusus, even if she deserves it.

CT: D --> You sh00ld, is all I am saying

AG: I'm not going to!!!!!!!!  
AG: 8esides, if I wanted to get her out of my life I would just do it myself!

CT: D --> So you have thought about it

AG: Of course I've thought a8out it.  
AG: You would too, if your lusus wasn't a perfect in every possi8le way.  
AG: Imagine for me, if that part of your 8oring 8rain even works, Aurthour telling you to kill other people so he could live.  
AG: W8, that's stupid, 8ecause he never would.  
AG: 8ut say that he did, and so you do it 8ecause you loooooooove your lusus and you want to make him proud of you!  
AG: And he's sooooooooo prooooooooud of you in the 8eginning!  
AG: He tells you how good you are! I know you're into that, right????????  
AG: So you keep doing it for sweeps and sweeps and sweeps and sweeps and sweeps and sweeps and sweeps and sweeps.  
AG: 8ut it's getting to 8e a lot, on top of thinking a8out everything in your personal life!  
AG: Conscription is coming up soon, after all! It's only a sweep away!  
AG: And you still don't know what you want to do with your life!  
AG: And all your shitty friends h8 you!  
AG: The only people you really have convers8tions with anymore are the poor stupid suckers you get to meet up with you so you can feed your fatass fucking lusus.  
AG: And he always wants moooooooore and moooooooore from you, too.  
AG: And then one day when you're minding your own 8usiness your pushy, creepy freak of a neigh8or messages you!  
AG: And she says that you sh001d just KILL YOUR 100SUS 8ecause it's CONVIENIENT FOR HER!!!!!!!!  
AG: Isn't that sad, neigh8or? That someone would actually DO something like that????????

CT: D --> Are you done yet?

AG: Oh my G8D!!!!!!!!

CT: D --> If you want help, all you need to do is ask

The yelling quiets down suddenly. It sets him on edge slightly and he hopes that her lusus doesn't somehow have the ability to read her mind. He hadn't considered that might be a possibility. Vriska keeps messaging him, though. 

AG: ........  
AG: Even if I paid someone to do it she would just mind control them and eat them.  
AG: I've...  
AG: I've tried 8efore. 

CT: D --> Do you think she c00ld do that with me?  
CT: D --> You can't make me do anything or read my mind  
CT: D --> You haven't tried in a while, but I'm confident that your inability to crack me is still a thing

AG: I wouldn't want to risk it.  
AG: I mean, not that I care a8out you or anything, 8ut if you die 8efore I go into second molt they'll pro8a8ly just cull me for my arm and my eye.

CT: D --> It might work if you distract her, though

AG: And how would you even do it, huh?  
AG: You can't just punch everything to death! She's huge!

CT: D --> On the contrary, I'm more than confident in my STRENGTH and my ability to use it to do this  
CT: D --> Only if you want me to, though  
CT: D --> I w001d never want you to punch dear sweet Aurthour into the sun, were our roles reversed

arachnidsGrip [AG] is idle

Vriska stays idle for a while. He gives her ten minutes to respond, taking the time to send Nepeta a few messages about the exchange in the interim, but she doesn't say anything. He decides to get some more sleep because he needs it and now that the world is quiet again, he can. He sends Vriska a courtesy message before he logs off for the day.

CT: D --> Come over tomorrow night. We can talk about this more, and I've been meaning to make some adjustments to your arm

centaursTesticle [CT] has ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG].

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

She shows up at his door a few hours after sunset. Aurthour lets her in, and Equius is surprised because she didn't even knock loudly enough that he would hear. It's unusual for her. She stands quietly in his doorway, and Aurthour actually has to announce her arrival before Equius even notices her. 

Despite being so much taller than him now, she seems so much smaller than she usually does. He wonders if he might have hit a nerve with his messages, but gestures for her to follow him down to his actual work room. 

The two of them walk in uncharacteristic silence. She keeps looking his way like she wants to say something, but whatever it is dies in her throat before it can make it past her lips. 

The silence stretches on and on, until the point where she's sitting across from him with her arm on the table. He can't really stand it anymore.

“Tell me what you're thinking, Serket,” he says, gingerly pressing the disconnect buttons on the connection port on her shoulder. It takes a little bit time to seal off the arteries and veins in the metal and to disconnect the nerves, so they have a couple of moments to sit and wait. 

“I... I don't want to do this.” She says. The silence hangs heavy over the two of them. He knows she isn't finished talking, so he lets her have the space to keep going. “But... I don't think I have much of a choice.”

The arm finishes its disconnecting procedures and falls away from her shoulder with a satisfying pop. He sets it to the side, being careful not to dent it, and pulls a soft measuring tape out from one of the drawers. She turns mechanically and holds out her good arm so he can measure it, like they've been doing for the past two sweeps since the accident. He writes the measurement down on the paper log he keeps, and compares the two quietly. 

Equius wants to give her the room she needs to keep talking. He knows she won't if she gets any input from him while she's still just started talking. 

“I mean,” she continues, “when... When I started feeding her, it was once every couple of weeks, right? And it just keeps getting shorter and shorter between her meals. She wants multiple people every day now! And I can't do that. It's not even a matter of me not wanting to do it, either! I could care less about people I don't know dying for it. I can't get the people. I mean, hell! I've already gotten every idiot in our neighborhood that I can, and people won't flarp with me anymore because they all know what it really means!”

“I can't get the people anymore. And she just whines and whines and whines about it, no matter what I tell her! She's too fucking lazy to go hunting herself anymore! Either that, or she's too fucking fat to get out of the damn ravine!” Vriska sighs and puts her head in her hand. “I can't do this anymore, Equius.”

Equius starts plugging numbers into an equation he has for determining the different adjustments in length he needs to make for her next arm. “I'm honestly surprised you've done it for this long,” he says, “I know you hate it when people take advantage of you.”

“Yeah, well, it's fucking different in this case.” She tosses her hair to the side, getting it out of her face. “She's my lusus. She's supposed to be there for me, you know?”

Equius nods. Not for the first time he thanks whatever force in the universe allowed him to be indigo so he wouldn't have to deal with cerulean lusus horsehocky. “It seems to me like you know what we need to do already, regardless.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I... I know.” 

“How do you want to go about it? I could just punch her head clean off of her shoulders for you, but that seems to be kind of risky.”

“See, that's the problem,” Vriska says, gesturing with her good arm, “You could just do that, and it might work, but she might be stronger than I am and she might be able to mind control you. I couldn't say for sure.”

“Let's think about this in a constructive way, then. What are some of the different ways that you can think of to take care of her?”

Without pause, Vriska begins rattling off a list. “Punching, guns, fire, chainsaws, robots? Stabbing her probably would work if we could get close enough, we could set off a bomb?”

“No, that might catch our hives in the crossfire,” Equius interjects, still fiddling around with his equations. 

“Right, so no bombs,” she replies, “What if we poisoned her?”

The two of them stop what they're doing and look at each other. 

“That... That isn't a bad idea,” Equius concedes, putting the pencil down, “Not my style for something like this, but certainly safer for our hives and our physical manifestations.” 

“It's not mine either, but... If she just fell asleep and didn't wake up the next night, she just might not realize that I killed her.”

“Right. That's probably ideal,” he muses, “We would need to get some kind of poison she wouldn't be able to detect, and also a fool she would be able to eat. If this is going to work... We probably need something that would be harmful to her but wouldn't be harmful to an average troll.”

“Ugh, this is going to take forever to figure out,” Vriska sighs, “She doesn't deserve this. She deserves something hard and fast and permanent.”

“That might be the case, but you would inevitably be harmed by anything like that. I can fix your physical injuries, but I can't fix mental scars.”

“Right.” She laughs. “Right... Where are we going to get something like that?” 

“I could contact an exterminator and explain the situation. I doubt any would be willing to help us, but I might be able to get the name of a chemical or two before they figure out our plan.” 

“What if it doesn't work?”

“What do you mean, what if it doesn't work?”

“What if we drug someone, but one person isn't enough to do it?”

“Ah, that's actually a good question. We could use multiple people, but that seems kind of ghoulish to me, to be honest,” Equius says.

“She doesn't eat them all at the same time either, so it wouldn't work.”

The two of them sit quietly for a moment, thinking. 

Equius speaks up first. “What if instead of using a living troll, we sent a robot into her lair instead?”

“She would never buy it,” Vriska replies, “She doesn't eat anything I don't directly pilot into her webs.”

“We could commission Captor to write a basic neural network that you could hijack? I am honestly not one-hundred percent sure how your powers work, but I think that if you could fool her into thinking you were guiding it inside we might be able to clear that hurdle.”

Vriska thinks about it. Equius goes back to his equations, keeping his eyes on her face, watching her think. After a while, she replies again. 

“Sure, I think we could try. Even if we get one in there, though, and it's chock full of poison, what's going to make her actually eat it? Can you even make something she'd recognize as a troll?”

There's actual hope in her eyes. He swallows hard with the realization that they're actually planning a murder. 

“If... If I used gold to do it, the metal would be soft enough that she might be able to bite right through it. Assuming that she bites into the thoracic cavity primarily, rather than outside limbs, we could have the bulk of the poison mixed with blood in that cavity. I've made fully self sustaining automatons before,” He says, “I could have it walk in a straight line into her webs. You could hover around its fledgling consciousness and pretend to be guiding it.”

“And when she sees that, she'll recognize it as a meal,” Vriska smiles, finally, “And she'll take the bait.” 

She looks like a shark. She's dangerous, and he doesn't know if he should also be afraid. 

“And when she takes the bait, she'll die,” he replies. The elation of that sentence hangs in the air, electric and static for more than a few moments. 

“Equius, I could kiss you right now,” Vriska jokes, laughing to herself and covering her face with her good hand. 

“I would greatly prefer that you didn't,” he replies. “This plan has a lot of moving parts. It might take a little while to put it together.”

“That's fine,” she says, “One-hundred percent fine.”

“Anyway, though, I need to fix your arm first,” Equius stands up and starts hooking her old arm back into her shoulder. “If you could tell me what kind of blood she prefers, that would also help.”

“Uh, what?” 

“As in, does she have a preferred caste? Anything higher than teal is difficult for me to come across easily, but I could source it. If I have to.”

“Oh! I think she doesn't actually have one,” Vriska says, “She mostly ends up eating lowbloods, though, so one of them would probably work best.”

“I wonder if one of our acquaintances would be willing to... No, that's a stupid idea.”

“I can just get some,” Vriska says, almost like she's too eager to be useful. It makes Equius uncomfortable, though she seems to be acting like she knows her place well enough he knows how weird that is for her normally. 

“Allow me to handle it,” he replies, “This has become an interesting challenge for me.”

Her arm re-calibrates itself easily, and once the two of them make sure it's in working order she leaves. 

He's got a lot of work to do.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

In a couple of perigees, the two of them send the fake troll robot into the webs. She doesn't wake up again.

**Author's Note:**

> Fixed some minor grammatical things and also Equius's quirk in some places.


End file.
